Just yesterday we posted about the statement Ariana Grande shared with her fans after she broke down in tears during her St. Louis tour stop, performing her single "R.E.M." The "No Tears Left To Cry" singer admitted that she's still processing a lot from the tragic happenings in her life and the latter, among other things, is what Ariana discussed in full for her recent Vogue cover feature.
“Of course because I’m an extremist, I’m like, OK, I’ll go on tour! But it’s hard to sing songs that are about wounds that are so fresh. It’s fun, it’s pop music, and I’m not trying to make it sound like anything that it’s not, but these songs to me really do represent some heavy shit,” she told the publication.
Early in the interview, Ariana brings up her ex Mac Miller and details how her first time at Coachella was to see him perform. “I never thought I’d even go to Coachella,” she explained. “I was always a person who never went to festivals and never went out and had fun like that. But the first time I went was to see Malcolm perform, and it was such an incredible experience. I went the second year as well, and I associate...heavily...it was just kind of a mindfuck, processing how much has happened in such a brief period.”
Looking back on her time with Mac, Ariana called it “all-consuming" since she'd spend hours up at night tracking his whereabouts in hopes that he wasn't on a bender. “By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, fuck. He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had," she said. "I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming . . . less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”
While Ariana shows her true self to her fans as much as she can, while still holding onto some emotions that are just her, she can admit that she's still not the version of herself she wants to be yet.
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“I have this idea of what I’d like to be,” she said. “I can see this stronger, amazing, fearless version of myself that one day I hope to evolve into. Sometimes I try to be that for my fans before I actually am that myself. I think I’ve been avoiding putting in the work. You know how that gets: You push your therapist away at some point, but then you have to get back to it.”
Read the full feature here.