MANIFESTO: Jay-Z, Tyler Perry, Detroit, Maxwell, and a MILF!
 | Posted by manifesto
| Tue, September 29, 2009 at 7:00 PM |
Because sometimes, pop culture writes itself:
 - The New York Times' Maureen Dowd and my MILF crush Arianna Huffington both recently wrote pieces about how unhappy American women are these days. Dowd's piece suggests that, despite ladies' adamant claims that bearing and raising children is a major source of happiness, the contrary is actually the case. Since only one person - a male - has ever had the grapes to admit aloud to me how having children essentially f*cked up his 20s, I've no doubt that many who claim motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to them are flat-out jiving. Just for kicks, look a newer mom, who you know had a child unexpectedly, in the face and ask her how happy she is to be a parent. Check for eye twitching.
- Speaking of children, Jon and Kate are the most public examples of what happens when you submit the years of your life in which you're supposed to experience the most self-discovery and have the most fun to marriage and children. The ladies out there seem to be pissed off at Jon, but his journey to get his bean wet by every bad blonde who'll have him is something he should've gotten out of his system a decade ago. Besides, dude has eight goddamn ankle biters - and he's seldom accused of being a bad dad (unless you count subjecting your kids to public scrutiny for the sake of a lot of money) - so good for him, I say.
- Jay-Z just dropped the most surface-level, pop-inspired album of his career, and it's receiving far more praise than it should. Listen to "This Life Forever," then listen to any one track on The Blueprint 3 and try to convince me that he still cares about rapping. I believe Hove could fill an 80-minute CD farting in a microphone and folks would jock it. Hip-hop is dead. The terrorists win.
 - Critics are saying Tyler Perry's new film, I Can Do Bad All By Myself, is the best of his career. It's a big deal because they are almost as hard on Perry as I am, but I don't buy it. When homeboy comes with a film that doesn't play to the cookie-cutter formula he's been using to swindle black women out of their money for years now, maybe I'll consider checking it out. If he makes a black version of 9 1/2 Weeks with Meagan Good, he might get some of my paper. Might.
- National media (specifically TIME Magazine) has spent what I consider an inordinate amount of time picking on my hometown of Detroit. Yes, things are screwed up there, but these pictures and articles I've seen go a long way to perpetuate the idea that you're going to get your wig peeled back the moment you roll south of 8 Mile Road. If you've never been to Detroit, pick a sunny fall day to drive east on W. Outer Drive from the Southfield Freeway. Then talk to me about the city as a war zone.
- I have not read The DaVinci Code, nor do I ever intend to: the excerpts I've read confirm that Dan Brown is a sh!tty writer. I've no doubt that his new tome, The Lost Symbol, is no better than its predecessor. But with a million units off the shelf on day one, it would appear that he has the masses entangled in his trite prose. Dude is like the Jay-Z of the literary set. Maybe I should consider selling out...at least until I bust down some of these student loans.
- Sarah Palin just earned somewhere in the low six figures to deliver a 90-minute speech to an audience in Hong Kong. Also, some lady from Alabama paid $63,500 to have a meal with her and her husband. Apparently, vapidity and utter mediocrity can earn you some quick yet serious ducats in the political arena. I don't ever wanna read another story about how Bristol Palin is "struggling" to afford diapers.
- I'm quite poor, but I'm going to find a (legal) way to get my hands on the $200 "Renegade Edition" of DJ Hero when it drops late October. How can I say no to a version of Guitar Hero for "us"? Give it up for wasted hours!
 - Broadcast television sucks. I don't see how anyone who ever enjoyed any of the myriad of awesome programs on HBO or Showtime can tune in to shows on NBC with the same reverence. How can you appreciate Law & Order after engaging in The Wire? I wish Comcast could give me just those two channels, get rid of the other 500, and charge me accordingly.
- I'm going to see Maxwell when he comes to Chicago in a couple weeks. Now, I'm straight like a guitar string, but if he performs "Whenever, Wherever, Whatever," I might just throw my boxers at him. Actually, on second thought, he might actually enjoy that...
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