Greetings to all,
Many of you have learned I'm no stranger to psychological therapy. I actually look forward to my weekly sessions. Ha, in fact I have one today. Whoop whoop! I've gotten a few sessions under my belt with her now. So far so good as you've probably gathered from my excitement. She's really given me much to think about. She's asked such tough questions that I've literally had to dig down deep for honest answers.
Last week we discussed emotional and physical connections and the roles each one has in relationships. It doesn't matter what type of relationship you're in, each one, the emotional and the physical shape how we feel and how we respond to others. However, for the purpose of this article, I will be referring to dating and or marriage. Just wanted to clear that up.
While discussing the characteristics of each of these connections, I discovered something so much more important than just the mere characteristics themselves. But let's first look at some of these emotional and physical characteristics. Now for the sake of trying to be "realistic" as possible and FAIR, I will began with the physical characteristics first. I mean come on, you SEE FIRST the physical right?
Someone who's physically attracted to you will take you out on some dates. You know, catch a few movies or go to dinner or have a few drinks. Hell, they'll even give up some cookies or lay down some pipe. LOL Hey I'm jussst saying. Seriously, when someone is physically attracted to another person they tend to touch or rub their arms or hands. Flirtatiously hug or make constant eye contact with them. They talk long enough to exchange numbers, emails, pager numbers (Yes I know. Ancient technology.) or agree to a place to hang out. However, there are no obvious emotional connections being invested. Just physical admiration.
The emotional connections develop as time progresses and relationships have become established. It's in my opinion, indicative of a growing healthy relationship. People who are connected EMOTIONALLY share time together because they DESIRE to be in each other's company. They pay special attention to each other often developing bonds and engaging in deep conversations. When someone has invested emotions they share intimate desires, wants and needs. There is the sharing of fears, adorations or goals, likes and dislikes, hobbies and other activities.
I am fully aware that the emotional and physical characteristics described in this article aren't anything new. Hell they are probably the very basic descriptions ever written. Nonetheless, I believe it is important to understand the difference when going into relationships, continuing a relationship or even reconciling one. I have to say, I've been guilty of being naive and not understanding the difference between emotional and physical connections. Yep I once believed that just because someone was physically attracted to me they also liked or loved me. I associated physical or sexual touch with love. Ooohhhh boooyy I was sooooooo innocent. Ok I was ignorant. But hey, now I know and can articulate and clearly understand the differences. Although the two connections are somewhat parallel, honey there's still a very clear contrast between physical and emotional connections.
Here's a scenario. Man sees a woman. Woman sees a man. Man is aroused by the woman's curves and apple bottom jeans. (Wait. Are those still in style?) Anyway, Woman bats her eyes at the man. Man asks woman out. Woman agrees. Woman likes the man. Man gets the cookies. Woman wants to see man again. Man becomes distant and conveniently unavailable. Now woman is disappointed. Well damn, I wonder how this happened? Ok, I'm lying. I know exactly what happened and it's happened to a lot of us because we were ignorant.
See women and men have different perceptions most times, especially when it comes to relationships. More times than not, women quickly become emotional connected to a man after they've given each other the business because women are more emotional and nurturing. It's just how God made us. Men on the other hand aren't quite like this. They're more physically and less emotionally driven. So unless he has invested emotional connections with you, he's going to keep it moving to the next big ass and smile. You gave him the only thing he wanted, physical satisfaction. Let me take it up a notch, because this scenario regarding emotional and physical connections is just an example of people who are "dating" or in unmarried but "committed" relationships.
Here's the scenario. Man sees a woman. Woman sees a man. Man is aroused by the woman's curves and apple bottom jeans. (Again. Are these still in style?) So woman bats her eyes at the man. Man asks woman out. Woman agrees. Woman likes the man. Man likes woman. Man and woman bump uglies. OOOHHH man and woman enjoy the ugly bumping. Man and woman date and ugly bump for a few years and fall in love. Man and woman have each introduced the other to family and friends. They are proud to be together and the ugliness of the bump intensifies. Man and woman have fun together and have some of the same hobbies. Man and woman can't see life without the other. Man proposes to woman. Woman happily accepts, jumping up and down like a kid at Christmas. Man is overwhelmed with the excitement he's receives from the woman and the future he'll share with her breaking beds down and cracking headboards. Man and woman become husband and wife.
Lolololololol Ok, I digress. Do notice the emotional and physical characteristics in the last scenario? Did those characteristics change? Recall in the beginning of this article I wrote that characteristics involving emotional and physical connections apply to any type of relationship? Well, that would indeed include marital relationships also. What did happen is both connections intensified. However, only one can affect the other in such a way that it becomes utterly unclear which connection is which.
See it dawned on me last week as I sat in my therapy session, you can have a physical attraction to someone without the emotional connection. But it will only ever be physical and have NO VALUE or SUBSTANCE. On the other hand, when you're emotionally in tangled with another there a sense of pride when you're in their presences. You miss each other when you're apart and excited to see each other when you come back together even after a long hard day at work. When you're in the presence of others they are able to witness the admiration and love you have together. You still "date" each other and spend quality time.
Conversations are longer than 2 minutes chatting about logistical shit at home, about kids or what bills are due on the next pay cycle because even through all the chaos there's still your love and desire for each other. You both always express how much love there is for the relationship thus going out of the way to make each other happy and secure. You feed each other's egos, privately and publicly. When emotions are intertwined with the physical the VALUE and the SUBSTANCE of that physical connection increases exponentially. So much so, they become one in the same. Both connections become so intense you just cannot determine which is which.
I believe people in relationships whether married or just dating, dismiss the VALUE and the SUBSTANCE of emotionally and physically connecting. When people marry, there's the assumption that both people connected emotionally to make such a decision to become married in the first place. It's the expectation for emotional connections in a marriage be the main ingredient that provides the value thus giving the substance to the physical connections. When the emotional aspect of the marriage has gone, the physical worth diminishes. Then what? Yep, you guessed it. The marriage or any relationship crumbles.
So I ask again. Which is more important to you? Which do you prefer to be the main ingredient in your relationship or marriage? Remember there's no substance without value.
Until next time...No Matter What, KEEP IT MOVING!