Assuming you haven't been stuck under a sheet of rubble for the past several weeks, you've likely caught wind of the ballyhoo over John Mayer's interview in the March issue of Playboy.



He caught a sizable amount of flack for everything from dropping the N-bomb and ruminations on his racist penis to his sexual addiction to Jessica Simpson and speculation on Kerry Washington's dome-giving proclivities. Of course, Mayer has an inimitable interview style that screams "intentional douche nozzle," and anyone who follows him shouldn't have been shocked.



I got quite a kick out of the interview and the subsequent hate. However, I was deflated by his expiation on Twitter during the fallout. Johnny Boy went into that interview fully aware of what he was doing, and his mea culpas were his way of attempting to deflect the title that even he's probably embraced in private: a*shole.

John Mayer



He should've left the apologies at the door. Even after the interview, he's still going to sell records, pack out concert halls and get laid by women the rest of us pay 10 bucks to see in a dark theater. Besides, the world can use a little a*shole every now and again.



"A*shole" is one of those titles with a negative connotation that houses the internal strength of the holder; it's akin to women embracing the word "b***h" to express their self-confidence and durability, except with fewer gender implications - anyone can be an a*shole.



To be an a*shole is to be free of the limitations and myopia that dictates society's desire to box you. An upper-middle-class female parent-of-three a*shole would look something like Nancy Botwin from "Weeds." A political a*shole is like Dennis Kucinich. A celebrity a*shole is someone unashamed to talk about his "David Duke cock" even after selling millions of albums and becoming a household name.



As a self-appointed (and often-regarded-as-by-others) a*shole, I often think about what it means to carry about the world with a very thin filter, and what it would mean if more people had the grapes to do so. I've been writing opinion pieces for newspapers and websites for nearly 10 years, and my incendiary voice has become even more so with increased education and exposure to the mass stupidity that has us all in a socio-intellectual choke-hold.



I suppose I could write about sensitive topics more, you know, sensitively. But in an age where everyone sacrifices candidness for the sake of not upsetting a given group of people, I often feel the need to beat my readers over the head with the reality club. Because at the end of the day, whether or not they agree, hopefully my directness will cause more people to put on their thinking caps.



Being an a*shole is unabashedly exploiting sensitive material for humor that's determined to piss off at least one special interest group. For example, it grinds my gears that our society maintains a basic aversion to homosexuals, and I'll defend them until I drop lifeless. But that doesn't change the fact that the gay male stereotype yields some of the funniest s**t I've ever seen or heard, so I will embrace such humor and produce it myself when appropriate.



Being an a*shole is, by no means, having all the answers. But it is to know, with all your conviction, that you're right about something when so many others around you have it wrong. Late last year, I dated a fellow a*shole, and the most resonant thing she said to me was when she cut me off mid-sentence with, "Dustin, there's right and wrong, and sometimes there's no point in entertaining another side."



She was spot on: Many people think there is more than one reasonable perspective on every contentious topic. The a*shole realizes this not to be true, and for that reason it's trying for us to roam the earth with the knowledge that a decent amount of people around us just don't "get it" and aren't trying to get it. The only issue with that is the virtually unavoidable air of superiority that accompanies such a mindset.



Imagine the clarity that could come from the government if our elected officials were (my brand of) a*sholes: If Barack Obama unleashed the a*shole that we all know is sitting dormant within him a year and a half ago, he probably wouldn't have made it to office. But if he did it now, many Republicans and conservatives would be rightly told off, there would be far more transparency from the White House and many of the people who voted for and are currently frustrated with him might be galvanized once again.




President Barack Obama



It's worth noting that a*sholes can be cool people if you meet them in person. I'm a good guy, and I'll bet John Mayer is as well. Always recognize the difference between an "a*shole" and a "f**king a*shole": The f**king a*shole is malicious - she'll talk smack about your dying mama just because. The f**king a*shole is flat-out unpleasant to be around because he wants nothing more than to spread his anger and hatred to others.



The f**king a*shole and the FOX News a*shole are synonymous: spouting separatist hatred veiled as reality that the stupid people gobble up is dangerous, because stupid people can vote. And carry guns. Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter are examples of f**king a*sholes, and it's not just because I disagree with them. It's because they're flat-out wrong.



Conventional wisdom might dictate that a*sholes are bereft of empathy because we're more obdurate than most. On the contrary, I think a*sholes are probably more feeling than most - it's our passion that drives our character. If we were truly apathetic, there would be no a*shole. I'm pretty in touch with my own emotions, but the trick is to allow very few people to have any jurisdiction over them. You'd be quite unlikely to ever hear me say, "Dude, be more sensitive to my feelings," because I probably don't give much of a s**t what you think. And that makes being an a*shole easy.



Unfortunately, as we continue our slow trudge through the morass of political correctness (boy do I miss the ‘90s), the famous a*sholes will be relegated to late-night (Chelsea Handler) and premium cable (my liege Bill Maher) while the f**king a*sholes and play-safe genuine douchebags (Jay Leno) command the millions. Kucinich will never win the presidency, pro sports players will continue to be fined heftily for speaking their minds, and we'll have to continue guessing what the people we date and marry are really thinking whenever they decide to spoon-feed us bulls**t. What a world.



Still, I'm waiting with bated breath until after 2012. Something tells me we'll see that a*shole come out of Obama then.