Dear Future Hubster,
By nature I'm just a happy person. By my demeanor you'd never know some of the things I've been through. Honestly if I didn't have all this time to work on myself I'd probably never tell you. Somehow, I've been able to block things out...not forgetting...just deciding that things of the past don't matter.
But Future Hubs...they do. When I was a little girl I was abused by someone close to me...this, no doubt, caused a small deviation of my normal self but I went on with life vowing never again to be a victim...taking things that happened along the way with a grain of salt.
In my last major relationship I was isolated from everyone. Thank GOD for the train ride to and from work, as well as, work itself and church. During a petty argument I was told he was the only one that cared about me and at the time the feeling that no one else loved me was real. I felt all alone, my best friend had abandoned me, my father had died and my relationship with my mother wasn't the greatest. In tears I called one of my uncles because, along with this declaration that he was the only person that cared about me, I was afraid...there was a lot of yelling, throwing of things, punching holes in the wall and I was never sure if I was the next thing to be further altered.
Perhaps I haven't been so willing to fully give love another try because of the abuse...because to honestly be in a relationship you have to admit I've been abused. No matter if it's emotionally, physically, mentally or financially. When you've buried it, it's hard to say and even harder to place on the proverbial table along with your heart.
So Future Hubs, as I further learn myself...I'm placing all these things on the table.