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|Thurs, December 12, 2013 at 1:27 PM|Send Blog · Share on Facebook · Bookmark on Delicious
There comes a time in some relationships where it just ain't working. Oftentimes I see people hanging on for dear life to NOTHING. I really don't understand the point of this. From my observation over the past few months, and just talking to several people from all over, the top excuses to hand in a horrible relationship are:
1. People are so desperate not to be alone that they are willing to deal with their mate's bull crap or just a loveless relationship. We see this happening a lot. You can, without a doubt, notice that a man or woman is truly unhappy in their relationship. They are either always arguing with each other, never home, sleep in separate rooms, accepting infidelities, etc. They are obviously unhappy. Why do they stick around, you ask? Because they figure it's better than being out in the world alone. Now I must admit, it's hard out here for a single woman (men it's hard for you too), but over the past few years I've embraced being single. I've learned a lot about myself and my worth. I refuse to "settle" just to have someone around; the experts call it self love. If you don't love yourself and don't want to be alone with YOU, why should anyone else want to?
2. "For the Kids".
Now this one is tough, As a single mother, I can honestly understand the sacrifice that we make for our babies. It was never my intention to be a single mother. Growing up I dreamed of marriage and the 2-parent family lifestyle; it just hasn't happened YET!! Sometimes two people can create the most amazing child ever and that was truly their purpose, not to be together in a loveless relationship that the children can and will one day notice. In the long run it can do more damage for the child than help. If you two aren't really into each other or are always fighting and the children pick up on that, what type of relationships will they find themselves in as adults? Lead by example. Show them that you can get along as friends and be great parents; you don't have to be together.
3. Not paying child support
I had a conversation with a young lady who is basically dating a man with a "situation" (it's funny how we now can call a relationship a "situation"; that's never a good thing). She's holding on to the hope that one day he'll leave because he states that he's only sticking around so she doesn't put in on child support. That is sad. No man or woman should ever stay with someone to avoid having to financially contribute to their child's life. This is where we have to put on our GROWN UP hats and handle our business. No one likes to see money snatched out or their checks but it's going to your child's household, so just suck it up and get you a legal side hustle (ON THE SIDE) to make up for that money. And ladies, we are not stupid. If he's not into you, you know it, so stop hanging on thinking that the kids can change his mind. You can't make someone love you and want to be with you. Let it go! Be great parents, but let it go.
4. Splitting bills
Depending on the longevity of your relationship, you could possibly have been together long enough where you are living together, splitting bills, have a joint bank account, etc. Breaking up can really throw that into hardship, especially with the economy being the way it is. You need to start planning and communicate. If it ain't working out, accept it and set deadlines. Depending on if you are renting or owning, make decisions. For those renting, depending on the lease, that can be your deadline to get your own space. Start saving our money (less going out and fast food dinners); start seriously looking for your own place that agrees with your income alone. Stop stalling! Sticking around just because of financial ties is a waste of time and energy.
I understand not wanting to let go of a relationship, especially when you've invested time and energy, you share children, and money is involved. but sticking around some place you really don't want to be is not only bad, but it's a waste of time. Your perfect person might be right around the corner and you can miss that opportunity sticking with "dead weight." Let it go people. Let it go.
To real this full issue of iCandiland E-Mag, go to:
|Thurs, December 12, 2013 at 1:20 PM|Send Blog · Share on Facebook · Bookmark on Delicious
Making Love vs F%$&ing
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE
The theme for this month's issue of the e-mag is "Sex in iCandiland".
We have given you tips on spicing things up with your partner, an explanation on good sex, the responsibilities of sex, and the spiritual connection that sex has between people. In true MsiCandi fashion I must give you all the REAL DEAL and set the record straight that there is indeed a difference between making love and F%$&ing (or Effin as I like to call it)
Let's start with Sex. Webster's definition of sex is
SEX- either the male or female division of a species, especially as differentiated with reference to the reproductive functions.
yeah Webster's plays too much for me as well. Let's just go with MsiCand's basic definition.
SEX- an imitate activity where two individuals open themselves up to one another allowing penetration, oral sensations, anal sensations, and a few more raunchy activities.
Now as bland as I attempted to make that sound, sex can be an amazing experience. For me, I consider myself a love maker. Go back and Read Mayo & Mrs Reece's articles. I fit into those categories I am they type of person that will build a bond with some one. I let them get to know me the person. We develop a connection, let a mutual respect develop, eventually it turns into love and from there sex come into play a we create magic.
Making love doesn't reflect on how big a man is or how much a woman can throw it back. Experience level doesn't play into it. Its all about feelings and emotions. I love you so much that I'm expressing my love by giving you apart of me and vice verso. Its being in love with your partner and being in tune with their body. It's allowing yourself to be selfless and focus on pleasing them in the moment. In my opinion (because I know how some of y'all like to disagree with me lol) Effin' is about self and Making love is about them!
Now MsiCandi isn't judging those that are just "doing it" to get their rocks off, but when you are ready to experience magic, take you tire, get to know them, create a bond, fall in love and watch you sex like go from good to AMAZING.
Until next month Candies
To real this full issue of iCandiland E-Mag, go to:
|Thurs, December 12, 2013 at 1:12 PM|Send Blog · Share on Facebook · Bookmark on Delicious
Is love really complicated?
As I sit here and think about all of my past relationships and I now witness relationships of family members, friends, and acquaintances, I can't help but ask myself, "Is love really this complicated?"
airing out their lives to thousands on social media
retaliating out of spite
not taking care of children
making empty promises
busting out windows in cars
ALL OF THIS, and for what? LOVE. I thought love was supposed to be a safe zone. I thought love was supposed to be nurturing, uplifting, and blissful.
If love is truly this great wonderful feeling, why must we go through the drama when we supposedly have it? We all look at magazine pictures of couples or TV shows (mostly old shows) and love is portrayed as such a good thing. These days when you finally find yourself loving someone that says they love you as well it's nothing like those magazine and TV shows. My question is, Is that love? Does love still exist? Is love really complicated
|Thurs, December 12, 2013 at 12:18 PM|Send Blog · Share on Facebook · Bookmark on Delicious
Ok! I admit it! I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in true love, soul-mates, second chances, and happily ever afters. This is all coming from a single mother whose heart has been broken a time or two. Most of my married "elders" are unhappily married or divorced. I still think it's possible to get a fairy tale romance story. When I say "fairy tale", I don't mean magic fairies, princesses & frogs, and mice that can sew. I'm taking about an everlasting love between two people that can weather the storms. Most of my peers are so quick to "give it up" or "break up" that they don't let true love develop. I might get a few hate mail letters for this one but Ladies: If you are looking for a man to truly stick around take your time with sharing your body, let him get to know you, the person, before he gets to know your body. I know you are probably thinking, "Who is she? Didn't she just say she's single?" Yes, I am single, but I have made my own mistakes and witnessed enough of others' mistakes to know that this works. Just try it.
The next time you meet a guy, don't instantly rush to give him the goodies. Get to know him a little bit. What's his last name? How many brothers and sisters does he have? Does he have any children? Does he take care of his children? With the rate of single parents out here it could do us all some good to get to know the person before we make a baby with a complete stranger. Remember, it only takes one time.
Another thing that I think we do to mess up our chances of getting our "fairy tales" is being greedy. We always think there is "something better". Fellas: you can have a GREAT woman that looks great, treats you wonderfully, works hard, fears God, gets along with your family, has good sex, etc., but you will step out on her or end it because you "think" it might be something better out there. That could have been your "fairy tale" but look what you just did: tossed her away, hurt her, and now she's all bitter and jacked up for future men. LADIES we are NOT off the hook; WE do this as well. We will dog out a GREAT guy for a fool! WE ARE TRIPPIN'!! We must do better if we truly are seeking happiness and want our "fairy tales".
I was able to witness a fairy tale for nineteen years. My grandparents had the "fairy tale". They had the type of love that glowed when they were in the same room. I remember being young and always saying "ewwwwww" because after forty-plus years of marriage they would still be all over each other -- IN PUBLIC. Having those two as role models might be what gives me hope. It might be what inspired women like me to continue believing in love after being knocked down time and time again. If my end result is to have a love like the one my grandparents shared that I plan to KEEP HOPE ALIVE!! :-)
To real this full issue of iCandiland E-Mag, go to: http://issuu.com/icandipro/docs/icandi_newsletter__